It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
