you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
