We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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