We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
