To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
