Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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