Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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