I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
