I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
