we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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