You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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