I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
