So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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