quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
