Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
