was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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