i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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