I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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