Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
