Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
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