nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
