I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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