his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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