I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
