Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
