Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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