I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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