All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
