Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
