moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
