Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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