One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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