I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
