What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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