come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
