remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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