just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i came on her dog
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
