that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
