this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
