i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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