We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
