i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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