Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
