When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
