my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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