I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
