Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
