WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
