I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
