I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
